There is so much beauty in listening. To nature…to nothing at all…to God…to others you trust…to your own thoughts. Seven years ago this month, I packed my babies up, and along with a few belongings, moved from IN to TX. I left everyone and everything I loved and drove 18 hours, desperately running from my old life in search of freedom with a different, new one. I remember my heart fluttering and my stomach full of butterflies as I drove into Houston. My eyes were wide open in anticipation of what I’d gotten us into. I’d moved with little money, one friend in the city, no real knowledge of my new surroundings….and hope. I knew I wanted more, and I knew I could do it. I also knew I wasn’t afraid or wouldn’t be ashamed to return home if it didn’t work out. I’d never been more afraid in my life.
But when things fell together exactly as I needed them to, including no deposit down for my apartment, there was no way I could chicken out and not make the move. I listened to my gut and my heart, and my body followed. In comparison to where I was moving from, my new apartment was grossly overpriced for its smaller than accustomed size. The ladies who worked in the office were ever so welcoming before I’d made the move. They were kind and extremely helpful, and that made me more sure I’d made the right decision. That apartment turned out to be perfect and just what I needed.
A few months before I’d left IN, I filed for bankruptcy. Debt accrued including a house in my name with my previous spouse felt like dead weight. I remember laying on my bedroom floor in tears when I received my discharge papers. There was nothing tying me to my old life. My new apartment was the perfect breeding ground for growth. I fell in love with myself. I listened. I listened mostly to the Gulf of Mexico and her lulling waves, telling me over and over that, it was okay to be at peace. I listened to my soul as my old boyfriend, now husband re-entered my life.
We never went without, and I truly believe God always provided because I listened. As I am sitting here reminiscing, I am thankful for the journey. I admittedly struggle with celebrating my wins and am thankful that I went with what my mind/body/soul was telling me, tuning out outside influences.
I pray that whatever you may be battling…you find solace in the stillness and listen. The answer is always there in its sound and solid beauty.
Happy Anniversary to myself floating towards the new.
Selah.